What To Do When You’re Single on Valentine’s Day aka the Guide to Surviving Torture

Let’s start with the basics before we begin.

Are you single?

If you’re in a relationship and having a grand time with the man/woman/creature of your dreams, then you need to click that little X at the top right of your screen cause you’re just making us feel bad. Go on. Leave.



Has the uninvited happily un-singles gone yet? Good.

Now that all of us are in the same page, let’s begin.

It’s Valentine’s Day on Sunday, and you have no date, no plans, no significant other, and at the point of desperation. Your friends are all taken and have already texted, tweeted, and posted Facebook statuses about their grand Valentine’s Day date plans and how they’re so happy with so-and-so and how lucky they are that so-and-so is awesome and isn’t so-and-so sweet sending this-and-that days before V-Day and would you like me to set you up with another so-and-so that has a job, promise, but just a little bit short on cash, and would appreciate if you paid for the movie, he’ll be sure to pick up the tab next time.

*takes out humungous fan and starts fanning herself*

You now wonder whether you can handle another day of this horrible holiday. With these tips, I believe you can!

Be rude. You don’t’ have to fake happiness just because you have friends that can’t stop giggling on Valentine’s. When you meet couples holding hands, or giving each other presents, or just making you feel like crap, scream. Throw stuff. Go crazy. Now, not only your day is ruined, but theirs as well.

Don’t leave the house. It’s a Sunday, so you don’t really need to. Lock the door, drink a little (by a little I mean a lot), and pass out. By the time you wake up, it’ll all be over.

Throw a party. For all your single friends. If you have no single friends, then… Wow… That’s just sad. You have no single friends? What’s wrong with you? Oh, I mean, how dare they! If you have no one to invite to your party, skip this tip, and back away from the edge of the roof.

Ruin your friends’ Valentine’s dates. Call them up saying you have an emergency, and that you need their advice. Cry and moan when they arrive, and beg them to stay. If you have no real problem except envy of their happy relationships, then make something up. Say you met a guy you really like, but he told you he actually liked your friend. Tell them it has happened so many times, you’ve lost hope. Be as pathetic as possible. If you’re really considering this advice, then you’ll have no problem with the pathetic part.

Embrace the depression. Yes. Embrace. Rent the most romantic movies you can possibly find, buy all things delicious; when you get home, wear your most comfy outfit – which for some means nothing – then get into the spirit of depression and cry your eyes out while stuffing your face with your favorite grub. Repeat if necessary.

See? There are ways you can feel less like dog poo. Pick one of these winning tips, and you’ll have a better time being single on Valentine’s Day this year that you have ever had before.

And completely for the sake of innocent research, what do you think is the most romantic movie?