Kris Kringle at VAT

Kris Kringle! Christmas Party! Stockings!

You say these words here at the office and you can almost feel people shake with excitement. Can you blame us? Christmas is coming, man. And unlike the year when I decided to boycott the whole shebang and just eat stale bread dunked into lukewarm coffee, this year is definitely going to be a blast.

I personally got a bit of a high when I was asked to do a wish list. A wish list?, I asked. Whatever for? You have to understand that I was raised in an environment where you don't ask for anything and just be thankful for what you get. Be it a loud pink shirt that went perfectly well with your sun-burnt skin, or hair ribbons when your hair was pixie-short, you smile and say thanks right before you hide the damn things and hope they are never found.

I'm not complaining, though. I agree with the whole idea of raising kids that way. Gets rid of the brat in you and replaces it with one who is bent on revenge. Kidding.

The art of creating a wish list is a novel experience. It means you get to think of what you really WANT and not something necessary. That's the whole point of presents, ain't it? They have to be something you wouldn't buy for yourself. Otherwise, why do the whole thing?

Being a virgin wish list maker, I made a novice mistake of writing things I like but I don't have a problem getting for myself.  You get my drift?

You see I'm a huge fan of books. Seeing a book store, especially one that sells used books, is almost an orgasmic experience for me. So when I wrote books on my wishlist - only books, nothing else - it wasn't really in the spirit of the whole thing. I mean, I can get all those things, I'm just waiting for a huge sale.

So let me take this opportunity to tell whoever got my name for the Kris Kringle, whoever you are - you magnificent example of perfection in the virtual assistance field - I'd like to change whatever's on the suggested list into a Magic 8 Ball or a huge Chowder toy or world peace. Okay, go with the ball or Chowder. Pretty please? I knew you'd understand.


Glad that that's out my chest.

Now, any suggestions for something long and juicy?